This last month has been a whirlwind of emotions, to say the least. Usually I am "Miss Organized"...that's become a thing of the past, and it is driving me crazy. A lot of the reason for my lack of time management and lack of just "thinking" in general is because I'm one of my family members that is each spending about 30 hours a week taking 24/7 care of my great-grandmother. One day, this will be just a blur, and despite the interruptions and chaos it can bring when trying to work a schedule around so many people, I am so glad that I can do this for her in what time she has left with us. Anybody who knows (knew) Grandmother well probably would've thought she would be a stubborn and hard-to-please patient. (This included me...lol!) But, it couldn't be farther from the truth. I just wanted to share some of the more special moments we have had while spending so much time over there the last few weeks.
One day, she said, "I'm just so tired of hearing that music." "What music?," I asked, because there was nothing playing in the house. She said, "Oh, that man has a good voice, but it's just getting on my nerves!!" I laughed, and then proceeded to ask what the man was singing. "All those old church songs," she said. "He keeps singing 'I'll meet you by the river'." I just started crying because my grandpa (her son who has already passed) used to sing in church all the time, and I just couldn't help but wonder if he was singing to her. I asked her if she believed in angels and if she thought that's what she was hearing, and she said yes and maybe that's what it was. She said she was ready to go but was not ready to leave all of us.
She talks a lot in her sleep, and one night my mind/emotions was just not able to cope, and I had to get Derek to come stay. Sometimes she calls for my grandpa or her mama, and it just gets too real for me, I guess. On the other hand, I think about how comforting this can be knowing that they are waiting on her. When awake, she talks a lot of "going home". In fact, one day she got really upset and agitated, wanting me to take her home. I kept pointing out things in her house, explaining to her that we were at her home, and she would say, "I know we are, but I want to go to my other home. Let's go. Hurry up." After about 30 minutes of this and her starting to get really frustrated, I had to call my dad to come over. When she told him the same thing, he asked her, "Grandmother, are you talking about heaven?" What came next had me laughing so hard I had to leave the room! She looked right at him, rolled her eyes, and sighed very loudly. I guess we got the message that she didn't want to talk about heaven right at that moment!
Most of the time, she is still sharp as a tack. Isn't that weird how it just comes and goes sometimes? In fact, today, I told her I was writing a check for her insurance, and she said, "Yeah, that'll be $amt gone." She knew the exact amount, and the last time it had been paid was 3 months ago, and even then, she hadn't been the one to write the check.
I'm also very thankful for my husband who is making whatever adjusments are needed to allow me this time at her house. He has even stayed with her a couple of hours when I went home for a bit. He and the girls put Christmas light decorations in her front yard yesterday, and Dad wheeled her to the front door to see them tonight. She was so proud of them, and she said she was worried that she wasn't going to have anything this year. Of course, we got a laugh as he wheeled her over there, and she said, "Girls, it looks like you've got stuff strewn everywhere." The eyesight has faded, but not enough that she couldn't see their messes. :)
I'm a late-night person, and she likes to go to bed by 7:00. Billie and I were up in the living room one night, and she coughed loudly. Grandmother says loudly, "Shut that thing up and you kids get in bed." I don't know what she thinks she heard, but we just started laughing...even me like I was a little kid getting away with something.
Lastly, I am so proud of my kids. I see so many kids today who are afraid of elderly people, and I'm so glad that mine have been around her enough that she's just another person/grandmother to them. They go and hop up on her bed and talk to her and tell her stories (that are totally untrue, but very entertaining). They have fed her lunch, given her drinks, and pulled the covers up. Billie, Kyleigh, and Drake all stood at her bedside and sang their little church songs for her, and you could just see her face light up as she told them how good it was and how proud she was of them.
I sit here crying as I type this and also thinking of everything on my to-do list that is not getting the attention it needs, but right now, I know I'm doing what I should, and I pray that God gives me His blessing as I continue.
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